┼ Can you write a little story that includes six of these phrases?
NOPE…Not homework…Just wholesome fun on YA.
1. Hannibal Lecter opened the bottle of Chianti and pursed his lips.
2. You guys remind me of the Marx Brothers.
3. I need to hear that from someone who went to a greater medical school than the William Morris Agency.
4. With all due respect… he’s a raving, incompetent psychotic.
5. Are you trying to give me a cardiac arrest ?!
6. The Cockroach From Hell was doing the backstroke in my tub.
7. I need a bed. I need a bath. I need a massage. I need a manicure… I need my therapist.
8. Here I am …….. cha cha cha.
9 . If God is testing us, then I for one, want to be prepared. Where’s the vodka?
10. I’m paying seven-hundred dollars a month and I have rats with bongos and a frog that sings hip hop!!
I’m in the mood for Halloween. Here you go. Another ookie story….
I like running my Little Shop of Horrors, but I really don’t appreciate some of the obnoxious clientele. Even when the “closed” sign is up, they keep banging on my door. Don’t they think I have a life? And, if that wasn’t bad enough, little creepy crawlers have the impression that mi casa es su casa! I’m paying seven hundred dollars a month and I have rats with bongos and a frog that sings hip hop! Noisy slime ball! I wish he would croak. The other night I walked into my bathroom to find another one had moved in. The cockroach from Hell was doing a backstroke in my tub. Just splashing around like he owned the place. It was like he was saying, “Here I am…cha cha cha!” Well, you can bet I checked him into the Roach Motel, better known as the cucaracha crematorium. Hasta la vista, baaaybay!
The other day when I was tending shop, the Brothers Grimm walked in. You know, Hannibal Lechter and his buddy Jack the Ripper. Jack tripped on his untied shoelace and landed face first on the floor with Hannibal sprawled on top of him. “You guys remind me of the Marx brothers,” I said. They didn’t laugh. Then clumsy Jack knocked over a shelf. Jars with braised brains, pickled eyeballs and candy-coated fingers went crashing to the floor. I moaned. “I know God is testing us, but why do I have to put up with the likes of you?” I said, jabbing my finger at him.
In the corner, Hannibal Lechter opened a bottle of Chianti and pursed his lips. Jack ambled over and said, “If God is testing us, then I for one want to be prepared. Where’s the vodka?” By now, I was hyperventilating. “Do you realize that you just wiped out half of my inventory?” I shouted. “Are you trying to give me a cardiac arrest?!” Hannibal’s eyes lit up. “If that happens, can I have your heart for dinner? I’ll flame broil it and serve it on a nice bed of salad greens. Oh, and this chianti will do nicely.” Jack shook his head. “No, no, no,” he said. “The dom perignon is a better choice. Pay no attention to him. With all due respect…he’s a raving, incompetent psychotic.”
Hah! That was the pot calling the kettle black. “With all due respect, you’re both psychotic…but you already knew that,” I shot back. They each ended up buying a big supply of spirits that day. Jack offered to pay for damages and I calmed down. When things got quiet I went to my workroom in the back. It’s where I keep all of the implements of torture and various sharp objects. You see, I had an axe to grind. I had just finished up with Lizzie Borden came through the door. She had a wild glint in her eye. “I’m mad as Hell and I’m not going to take it any more!” she seethed. “I need a sharp weapon and I need it now!! Well, don’t just stand there, go get it. Hurry up….chop chop!” She had just made my day. “You know,” I said happily, “I’ve got just the right thing.”
hydro massage bath tub
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Microwaveable Hot/cold Pain and Stress Relief Pillow Tlc Herbal Heating Pad, Lavender Sky Scent, Sage Color, 12 X 12 Ideal for Relief of Shoulder, Back, Hip, Abdomen and Chest Pain Also Can Be Wrapped Around Calves or Thighs for Nighttime Leg Cramps or Simply Placed At the Foot of the Bed to Warm Cold Feet $45.00 TLC Herbal Therapy Pillow TLC Heating Pad Microwaveable hot/cold pain and stress relief pillows Lavender Sky scent features a blend of lavender, spearmint, bay, rosemary, lemon balm, calendula, marjoram and flaxseed 3 lbs. Available in berry, camel, navy, plum and sage Ideal for relief of shoulder, back, hip, abdomen and chest pain Also can be wrapped around calves or thighs for nighttime leg cram… |
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